Tuesday 14 June 2011

Surprise Visit, London to Melbourne

'Course I didn't disappear. I went on a trip. Here's the short account:

DAY 0
The plan: London to Melbourne overland as much as possible to surprise visit my sister and meet my niece. Thanks to the usual culprits (time and money), I have 31 days.

DAY 1-2
Riga: bad start. I've brought the wrong money. Who knew Latvia has its own currency? Still, it's Ratification Day. Right time right place, I meet the Prime Minister of Latvia. He has a firm handshake.

DAY 3-7
I bus overnight to Moscow. Not the best preparation for 4 days on a train. I have 3 hours turnaround in Moscow, so I change socks in Red Square.



DAY 7-9
Irkutsk, Siberia. Mayonnaise is ‘Mayonnaise’ in Russian except spelt with a backwards N, an H and a 3. Apparently swimming in Lake Baikal gives longer life. It's snowing when I arrive. Not a snowball's chance in hell I'm going in. Eternal life be damned.

DAY 10
I spend more time in No Man’s Land between Russia and Mongolia than I did in Moscow.



DAY 11-12
Ulaan Bataar. I get fleeced for 10,000 Tugriks by a monk. All he says is, 'Ho!'. I admire his salesmanship. Could you make 10,000 Tugriks with 1 word? Ho. I thought so.

DAY 13-15
Terelj National Park. I stay in a ger. I have the park to myself. Each morning I pick a peak from the horizon to hike.



DAY 16-18
Rolling out of UB, we enjoy our large, clean train window. Then a Mongolian lady hurls milk all over it. Good luck, apparently. Me, I prefer milk with cereal.

DAY 18-20
Beijing. I hit the great wall, swept up in a million Chinese tourists. They hawk, clamour, shove, spit. It's an experience. It's part of the experience.



DAY 21-23
Yangshuo. I rent a bike. The lady hands me a map. I think, 'Lady, I eat maps for breakfast'. I get lost, the trail gets technical, I fall in a rice paddy. My shoes grow mouldy.

DAY 24
I have to cancel my train through Vietnam: there’s no visa on arrival by train, after all. Instead, I fly to Kuala Lumpur to fly to Saigon. Beats me why.

DAY 25-26
I book a tour on the Mekong Delta. We ride various forms of transport: bus, big boat, little boats, bus. We all wear pointy hats on the little boats and float along like perfect asses.

DAY 27-30
I fly to Melbourne via Darwin. They ask why only 4 days. I give them the short version. I tell them work.

I surprise my sister and her husband on their doorstep. They're skyping Dad. I walk into shot and surprise him too.

I meet my niece, Bella. She's 8 months old. She's the first 8 month-old person I’ve ever met. It's a pleasure.



DAY 31
Endings- never drag them out. Keep it clean, keep it quick, don't ever stop in Perth for 1 day returning from Melbourne.

I wander. I eat half a roast chicken. I sleep for 3 hours. Then I go home.